Weekly Digest 36 4/5/19 -4/11/19
Another week has gone by and I have to say I am still feeling pretty good. The impact of hitting that milestone goal is starting to sink in a bit now, but not quite in the way I anticipated. Although, to be fair, it was impossible for me to even envision this kind of moment 2 years ago.
But in looking at the short term, and what I did this week, I am relatively happy with it. My diet had some stumbles, but my exercise levels were fantastic! I really am pretty disappointed in my diet over the weekend, but it could have been worse. And my dedication to being active, and getting on track for the rest of the week made all the difference.
In the end, I lost 3 more pounds this week and now I am at 203lbs lost!! I’m feeling like this week was a huge victory – stumbling block and all, I recovered and turned the week into a net positive for me. I’m very pleased with my bounce-back. It’s not how many times we get knocked down, it’s how many times we get back up.
The impact of reaching a milestone:
Now I find myself starting to look at multiple different pathways forward and thinking in terms that are much more concrete. It’s not a whimsical “what do I want to be when I grow up?” or “what would you do if you won the lottery?” …as much fun as those questions may be to ponder. It’s more rooted in reality.
I find myself asking questions like:
- What am I going to do to capitalize on this weight loss?
- What new things am I capable of?
- Summer is here, let’s not waste it by being worried about what I can and can’t do.
- How will I need to alter my routine to keep the progress going?
- How can I help others attempting to travel this same road?
- How do I possibly answer the question “how did you do it?”
- Why did I wait so long? …and where do the psychological roadblocks come from that prevent people from making healthy decisions?
- What will the surgeon say about the removal of excess skin?…and how long will I, personally, take to heal from that? …will it really make me feel even better than I already feel? What’s it going to cost?
In thinking about all those questions, and the various concerns, one thing is for certain. I terribly miscalculated on what life would be like when I hit that 200 pounds lost goal. Or rather, I simply abstained from going through that thought process. I think I had it in my brain somewhere that when I lost 200 pounds I would celebrate by going out and getting a new car, or something along those lines …never really putting into definitive terms what life would look like at this point.
Where I am is not anywhere close to that. A new car or motorcycle, or any of that is actually quite far from my mind. Don’t get me wrong …I’ve worked very hard and I fully intend to reward myself. But having come this far, I understand there are ”miles to go before I sleep”, as Robert Frost so eloquently put it.
The short road or “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”:
Ok it’s less of an unplowed road and more of an unplowed driveway. By the way, why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways? I’ve always wondered that. Anyhow…back to the topic. Right now, I am focused on keeping this progress going – getting another 10 pounds off, and then engaging my doctor on the excess skin surgery.
I would be lying if I said that daunting procedure was not “weighing heavily” (pardon the pun) on my mind. It’s less anticipation of pain or anything like that than it is anticipation of the TIME I will be stuck in bed healing. Additionally, I remained concerned about the overall time impacts of that procedure. Those impacts also include mental. Right now I cannot fathom how that kind of dramatic reduction will affect my self-image vs. how I appear to others. Even simple things such as what constitutes clothes that fit? It all changes when you lose this kind of weight.
Finding my way:
I’ve got a good system going here, and after two years I have become pretty adept at fine tuning it based on whatever curve balls life throws at me. I have my super-short term “lose another 10 lbs” mini-goal, and that keeps me focused working the system. In the meantime, I have the responsibility of sussing out what the larger goals and milestones will be. At some point I will have to decide on a final weight at which I will be comfortable. Right now, I don’t have to make that decision. I think that won’t come until after any procedures are complete. But that point is likely not too far off.
Wish there was a roadmap …
It’s easy for someone who is 25 pounds overweight to figure out what their ultimate goal is …it’s lose 25 pounds. Done. Next! But when you are hundreds of pounds overweight …and it takes years and years to get there? When you have no frame of reference as to what it’s like to be anywhere near a reasonable weight because you’ve been obese your entire adult life … It’s not easy to figure it all out. Right now I don’t even feel like myself. I feel like I’m in a rented car. Albeit, it’s a pretty freaking fast rented car, by comparison. Call it my “Maserati-me”. If you’ve driven a Ford F350 Super Duty all your life, it feels damn weird to slide behind the wheel of something that has 12 cylinders of Italian-tuned auditory bliss. But the good news is that there isn’t a time limit on this. I’ll figure it out even if I have to draw a new map from scratch.
This week was on the weak side to start off. I ended up binging on some chocolate chips and had a couple beers. My Friday topped out just above 2000 cals. So that wasn’t great. Later on the week in ended up having cheese with triscuits. Yes they are delicious …but oh so bad for me. Both the crackers and the cheese are loaded with things I just don’t need. But nevertheless, I broke down and partook. Generally I can manage the quantities pretty well so the overall calories are still in check – but they aren’t clean calories. Certainly, they are not the kind of calories I want to see me consuming. Other than those two stumbles, the rest of the week was clean and healthy. I’m actually really proud of how I turned things around.
Ahhh…we had ONE day of very nice weather before things got crappy and we actually ended up getting snowed on! But that one day …oh what a day! It was my first bike ride of the season. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to pull that off! I did 13 miles, out to Birch’s and back. It was actually a pretty difficult ride not just as the inaugural ride of spring 2019, but because my front derailleur was out of adjustment and I lost the ability to access my top 8 gears. So it was a slower ride! The good news, I now have it fine-tuned and I am just waiting for warmer weather to test it again.
Overall, this week I was on the elliptical for five days …30 mins per. I’m really happy with that. Then I added free weights on one day, the 13 mile bike ride on another and a 3 mile walk on yet another day. It’s been a great week for being active considering the snow storm we endured!
Obviously my thoughts are consumed with the next steps. For the short term, and for next week, I want to continue my streak of weight loss and add another pound or two. Good consistent progress is a great plan and I’m hoping I can keep it going. I need to keep my calories in check and keep them clean, if possible. I am still very apprehensive of having one bad day because, repeatedly, my body seems to stop all forward progress with just one bad day. So I do feel a lot of motivation to do well each week. It’s not easy to do that …but I do the best I can. Holding myself accountable for any progress helps keep me putting one foot in front of the other.